Drop-off
Snatched car park kiss,
Bags in hand,
Bands around the ears,
Lift to the wrong floor.
Buzzed onto the ward,
Past PPE tabled,
Nurse concierge ushers:
The partners are barred.
Eyes meet above masks,
Wink,
Feet fleet,
Half-wave,
No hug,
And out.
Tension knot
In the stomach,
From moorings untied.
Phantom
I eat at home alone
After two days
And I can trace the ghost
Of a mask on my face
And feel cradled kicks
In my belly
A lonely thought
About ‘welcome home’ flowers
Is that they might wither
Unseen by the door
Limbo
I am a new dad
Who has had
Three full nights’ sleep
On bedsheets I only just hung out to dry
I’ve hoovered and cleaned
The pots and pans and tools
Have been tidied away
I have some photos
Of you on my phone
The lawn is mown and edged
The borders are weeded
Every so often
A text or a call
I planted petunias
In a line to the door
My skin-to-skin t-shirt
Is still in its box
I try not to over-water
Poor reception
Never had so many people lend an ear
I didn’t want to borrow
On over-watering
Crying in showers
Is a practical choice;
You just have to mind
The acoustics.
Time
It took two days
To write an email
Putting the miles in
Tripping over
Dusty floorboards
Too busy to write
Right now in the kitchen:
A call to the crib
Fear of loss
Last night you dreamtYour head explodedAs you felt yourself slipping awayYou tried to tell me you loved meImploredPlease look after herI am reducedAs I hang out clothes in minatureThe dehumidifier humsAnd I just want us to writeA happier ending
Levity
Today you winced in mirth
Shook your head
At toilet Ted
Your childhood bear
Now sporting a nappy
Whose scatalogical nonsense
Dislodged a wet clot.
We phoned the midwife
For the encore
Differences
See how much
A room can change
With a profusion of pillows
Twin milking machines
Rows of cards
Climb bookcase shelves
Soft toys perch
On the chest of drawers
You on mine
Rising tide of your breathing
Coffee cup empty
My stomach stirs too
Daylight creeps
Between the blinds
Falls on the swaddling
Vase in the corner
A V of white lillies
From bud into bloom
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